


what comes after

by goneforthestars



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Hurt, Kidfic, M/M, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Pining Keith (Voltron), Post Season 8, Post voltron, Season 8 Spoilers, Some comfort, Unrequited Love, one-sided
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-16
Updated: 2019-01-01
Packaged: 2019-09-20 02:46:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 8,506
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17014119
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goneforthestars/pseuds/goneforthestars
Summary: Keith's point of view, on Shiro mostly, after the war.The wedding is small, private. The theme is white--so like Shiro's humor that it hurts like hell. Keith barely remembers anything. In the files that he would later store in the farthest corners of his datapad, there'd be an image of his unrequited, and his new lover named Curtis, standing side by side, hand in hand, smiling softly and joyfully. He'd later gingerly set the pad down and throw himself away in a misery of intoxication and sadness.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> my goodbye voltron fic

The wedding is small, private. The theme is  _white_ \--so like Shiro's humor that it hurts like hell. Keith barely remembers anything. In the files that he would later store in the farthest corners of his datapad, there'd be an image of his unrequited, and his new lover named Curtis, standing side by side, hand in hand, smiling softly and joyfully. He'd later gingerly set the pad down and throw himself away in a misery of intoxication and sadness.

They'd kiss in the next file, a video beautifully shot by none other than Ryan Kinkade himself. Keith's face is obscured. He doesn't recall what expression he's making there. He's glad he doesn't see it. Facing his own suffering is something that he'd mastered avoiding over the years. The only thing that matters is Shiro's happiness. His own welfare isn't worth the cost of Shiro's happiness.

Curtis is a good man, too. He worked along Shiro during their short time aboard the Atlas. He's one of the defenders of the universe. No one could possibly be mad at him, and especially not Keith. He's not about to be, either.

The champagne has no taste as it slides down his throat. At the afterparty, which was even smaller than the ceremony--just the former paladins, Coran, and a few of Curtis' close friends--Shiro and his husband come up to him. A ring glimmers on his hand and Keith can barely tear his eyes away. He looks into Shiro's eyes, and they're glittering with joy. How can he be upset when this is  _his_ big day? Keith's been selfish. It's wrong.

"Shiro," he greets, voice steady as he can muster.

"Keith!" Shiro suddenly leans forward, hand slipping away from Curtis and instead wrapping around Keith. He wants to sink into that deep embrace because it's warm, warm, warm.

"Thank you," Shiro whispers, tufts of his white hair tickling Keith's cheek as he leans down, so his mouth is directly at the ear, "for being my best man. This is  _everything_ to me."

Everything.

 _Everything_.

Keith doesn't try to suppress his sob. When Shiro pulls away too short, the shoulder of his pristine suit is damp.

"Anything for you," Keith replies hoarsely, giving Shiro a watery smile. His eyes meet Curtis behind, and he nods so shakily that his bangs fall in his face. Good. These are supposed to be tears of happiness. He should be ashamed.

The man of the party doesn't seem fazed that his suit is now soiled. Curtis eyes it with mild disdain, but his countenance doesn't waver. Shiro bows--actually bows--and bids him adieu. Keith is guilty. Why is this happening.

Lance comes up to him later, when the celebration is nearly over and most everyone has already made their departure. He hands him another drink with a resigned expression. It was likely that Hunk or Pidge had sent him over.

"Hey, man."

Keith's gaze is red-rimmed and yellow as he peeks through his bangs. "Lance."

"I...I know you're not alright right now. And that's okay. Would you like to come home with me?" Keith stares at him for fifteen seconds. "You don't deserve to be alone right now, Keith."

"Okay." His words are still rough as they vibrate against his throat. He wonders if Shiro knows, if even Lance.

They are one of the last ones to leave. Lance takes a ship to his farm, and Keith sits in the backseat, dazed. The trip is short and silent.

When they walk through the door of Lance's home, he falls to the floor and vomits. The other man doesn't say a word as he pulls back Keith's hair and rubs his back as he retches out his guts. His brain is buzzed. This is the aftermath.

He's sure he hears something, but he doesn't process it. Somehow he ends up undressed and lying in a bed moments later. The water is running and glass clinks against the nightstand. The pillow is wet and salty. Keith mutters an apology and falls asleep when the lights click off.

When he awakes in the morning, his eyes are swollen and his bones are a thousand tons. There's water and a tablet of medicine sitting to the left of him. He guzzles the liquid but doesn't touch the pill. It's not needed.

The scent of breakfast wafts into his nose, and his stomach growls. Right. It's time to leave.

He finds his ruined suit in a bag, washed and ironed. There's a set of casual clothes on the dresser. He slaps them on quickly and starts to climb out the window.

"No, no, no, no, you don't!" His behind is swatted with what feels suspiciously like a hot spatula, and he cringes. Curse Lance and his Altean hearing. Hands pull his other half back inside as he rubs at his ass. His pants are grease-stained.

Lance is indeed holding a spatula. There's a pink apron tied around his neck and his hands are on his hips. He looks like a contestant on a cooking show. Hunk would be proud. "You are staying."

"No." Keith rejects. He starts to stalk past Lance in a fury. This is ridiculous. Fuck.

Lance snatches his wrist with his non-spatula holding hand. "Breakfast first. Please." His voice is strained and desperate. "I can't let you be alone like this."

The other defender grits his teeth and yanks his arm away. His stomach makes another sound. "Fine."

They eat slowly. Or at least Keith does. He has to concentrate on not gagging it back up. Lance's cooking is okay, especially since Hunk is his best friend, but right now it tastes like ash in Keith's mouth. It's terrible.

"Talk to me."

He doesn't respond.

"Shiro--"

Lance cuts himself off when the hand that holds Keith's utensil starts to tremble. He's holding himself back. The grip on the metal almost bends it.

"You know, my  _abuelita_ used to say something." Lance tries again, in between mouthfuls of purple scrambled eggs and blue bacon. "You never know how big the mess is until someone cleans it up." He pauses. "Well, rough translation, you know. But whatever."

Keith inhales sharply. He should've left earlier. Shiro doesn't love him back and that's the end of it. He's childish, impulsive, he's got  _discipline issues_ \--

"Someone has cleaned it up, let me tell you." Lance hardens his gaze and doesn't make a move to shut his mouth. "And now, you need to clean it up again, because this is not the right way. Wow, this was a really bad talk."

He picks at his bacon.

"What I'm saying is, you need to tell Shiro how you feel."

"No," Keith's immediate answer is a negative. "He's  _married_. _Newly_. As of fucking  _yesterday_." He stresses each syllable to Lance. This was a mistake. His friend doesn't understand. He'd go across the universe for Shiro. That includes his happiness.

"He deserves to know the truth."

"He  _deserves_ everything. I'm not gonna ruin his chances at happiness just because he feels bad for his former teammate. Look, Lance. I need to go. There're plenty of planets that need another Blade's help."

He sits up without gauging Lance's reaction--chair screeching horribly against the floor--and leaves. He just leaves. Walks out of Lance's farmhouse like he does everything. He should've distanced himself from the beginning. Shiro is too good for him to taint like this. Ruined. The Juniberry flowers are beautifully dull as he walks past them.

Keith spends the next period of his life with the Blade of Marmora on various planets across the universe. He only contacts Lance, inconsistently. The others are strangers now. Shiro, Shiro could be dead for all he knows. Lance is smart enough not to mention his flame anymore. It's only the yearly celebrations about Allura that reminds him that the others do exist.

But the good in Shiro, the spark that drove him to chase and to  _succeed_ , is what keeps Keith up most days. His mother is a constant presence, and so is Kolivan. Children are a light in his life, and eventually, Keith runs a new section sponsored by the Blades and the Coalition: an intergalactic orphanage. For months at a time does he almost forget, but it never happens. Shiro never fades from his mind. He's acquiesced to his fate, he's accepted his place within the universe, he's found peace. There's nothing more he strives to do.


	2. Chapter 2

"Daddy, Daddy, Daddy!" A little girl's excited voice echoes through the halls as she bounces along, swinging a tiny, hand-resembling extremity in Keith's. He laughs along with her as she drags him through the ship.

The orphanage is going great. At first, the former defender had helped the Blades in their general relief efforts for planets negatively affected by the former Galran Empire. It was exhausting at first, but soon he had learned to find a purpose for himself in aiding all the species of the universe. Especially the children.

He knew that there had been a lot of people who lost their lives or were just physically unable to care for someone else. As a consequence, the universe had an abundance of neglected children. He knew what being an orphan had felt like. Sure, he'd found his mother now, but some of these kids would never have the luck that he experienced. In that aspect. Other things, he was definitely unlucky.

So, when Keith brought up his proposal to Krolia and Kolivan, they'd heartily supported him, and the Galactic Coalition had a new branch for orphaned kids.  _All_ kids. From  _all over_ space. It was a bit of a hefty job, but with multiple bases and stationed caretakers scattered here and there, it wasn't too bad.

The orphanage headquarters was a refurbished Galra cruiser, where Keith and a dozen others handled and found the kids who had lost everything. Money was never an issue, as it might've been if he had not been a former Blade and Paladin. He tried his best and tried to avoid the problems that the facilities on Earth had. It was difficult, but he listened to criticism from both new parents, workers, and the kids. The latter's voices always mattered the most. It was their home, after all.

Some kids stay for lifetimes. A few had stayed for the  _end_ of their lifetimes. Some species live short lives. And well, there are the other reasons. Despite having a significant name in the universe, being associated with the  _saviors_ , and all, there are always going to be kids who never got picked. Kids who never caught the eye of a person looking for a new light in their life.

However, Keith is always looking for someone new. If an alien showed signs of not being a chosen, he'd raise them himself, or they'd live on base with one of his coworkers and be raised by the whole crew. It was tiresome, but no child deserved neglect.

The one holding his hand arrived with a name. A lot don't have one. The translator picks it up as "Lilunaelineyeunp," but she prefers to be called Lily, after Keith had read her a story about an Earthling celebrity with the same name.

Her species, the Yieuaojnes, came from a planet long drained of its quintessence, and she had been separated from one of the few nomad caravans that managed to escape. It was unfortunate. She'd been on this base for nearly seventeen Earth months now--with no way to contact her birth family--her species had no sense of sight, and they identified each other through smell and touch. How they built a ship is a mystery to both Lily and her soon to be former caretaker. And Keith was just about ready to call her his own until someone had chosen her.

From the outside, Lily is not an attractive kid, in Earthling terms. And generally, Earthling terms run with the rest of the world. Her shape is blobby and slimy. She has no form and constantly shifts. She communicates using a form of rudimentary telepathy. Her complexion is clear. Like, translucent. Her organs, the few of them, are visible through her skin, from what Keith has heard. Her species does wear clothes that cover head to toe and takes being nude on the same level as humans. Embarrassing in front of others.

Today, Lily is about to meet her new parent. After that and a few goodbyes and signed forms, she'll leave the base to start anew. Keith is happy for her. Yieuaojnes don't usually live above ten Earth years. He's been there for her infancy, and now she can live out what would equivalate to her teenage years happily with another.

" _Daddy_!" Lily, squeals in the man's mind. Her grip grows tighter, and Keith fights against stumbling. For a shapeless blob, she does move fast. By now he guesses that all kids are like that.

Keith takes a look at the profile of Lily's soon-to-be guardian. There's no picture, which is a little bit strange, but it seems that they have already met up with the base and are familiar with how they run things. It'll be their first adoption.

Keith scrolls a bit more. A veteran from the Galran war, lives alone, steady income...

Those were the general qualities of most alien's who wished to adopt. A lot had fought on the non-Galran side of the war--it seemed that it made them a lot more open to empathy and the like.

Lily makes a burst of speed, and this time Keith actually does fall face first into the floor. Lily's grasp leaves his before he hears thumping. She's a jumper. "Are you my new Daddy...?"

They must be right in front of the door. Fuck. Keith's an embarrassment.

He hastily gathers himself up and smooths down his uniform, face red. He looks to Lily, who's still bouncing by the doorway. Then he turns to the door, which is already open.

Inside, sitting cross-legged on the couch, is a white-haired man.

There's a pause. Before Keith can make a move, the other man nods his head slowly and then Lily basically tackles him into a hug. He falls back with the force of her against the cushion of the couch with a grunt and wraps his arms around her form.

"Hey there, sweetheart. Are you...Lilunaelineyeunp?" He asks, once Lily pulls away a little and rests on his lap. She's actually only about 3 and a half feet tall. The man's pronunciation was a little off, but the ship's translators easily fixed that. 

"I go by Lily!"

"Lily. I'm Shiro." He smiles easily. Keith wants to die. His fingers twitch toward the floor, where the discarded datapad is. He was just messaging Lance earlier. Damn him and his persistence. Keith knows that his friend has something to do with this. No one else could perfect this shit like Lance could. It's been almost two years since the wedding and Lance still cares about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for the positive response! idk how long exactly this will be, but nothing too extravagant.


	3. Chapter 3

Keith busies himself by taking a ridiculous amount of time reaching for the tablet on the floor. Lily distracts Shiro for this period, blabbering on about how excited she was to have a new parent. Her form jiggles as she continues to latch on and almost vibrate with anticipation. If the paperwork went smoothly, she could leave by the end of the ship's cycle.

"Keith," Shiro calls, when he clicks on the datapad, ready to look _suspiciously busy_ with paperwork on the device. Keith looks up, trying his best to contain his composure. It's not easy to relax around Shiro anymore.

The man uses his cybernetic arm to gesture him closer. Keith takes a seat on the couch across from the two. "Mr. Shirogane. It's good to see you. Now, about Lily..."

He ignores the furrow of Shiro's titanium white brows and the downturn of his mouth as he speaks. They haven't had a one on one conversation in years. The bond they had turned frozen a long time ago. And not that Lily doesn't count as a person, but she's too young to process the tension between the two men.

"Keith, it's just Shiro. You know this."

"Oh um, right. Well then, _Shiro,_ your request to adopt Lily has been approved. If you could please sign here..." Keith goes on to explain the basics of the completion process, and how exactly Lily is going to be transferred out of the system. His words are practiced and usually flow smoothly, but today his lips feel like molasses.

It's hard enough that he has to say goodbye to Lily, but to give her into Shiro's care sends his brain reeling. She's been a good kid. His lips quirk up when his gaze rests on her form. She's still having the time of her life, albeit now she's starting to get that familiar slow wobble that generally comes on when she needs a nap.

"...so, you'll be on probation for a few months so that we are sure that Lily receives the proper care. After you sign here and give your handprint, we can take her to collect her things, and you may leave today if you'd like. We also have rooms for those who'd like to rest for a bit before they'd like to depart."

He fumbles a bit with the tablet before he gingerly hands it to Shiro. The other is desperately trying to meet his eyes, but Keith focuses on Lily instead. He knows that Shiro will raise her well, but he can tell that their departure is going to leave behind a residue that he can't describe.

Shiro authenticates the adoption and Keith approves it quickly when his device is returned. They sit there in an awkward pause. Keith chews on the inside of his cheek. He wishes that it isn't like this.

If he said that the flame that he had for Shiro wasn't still delicately nestled in the center of his heart, Keith would be dead wrong. He still holds romantic feelings for the man-not that he could voice them now. Or ever.

Shiro's wedding, the one he had, with another man that _wasn't Keith,_ was a thing that happened, no matter what Lance says. He is happy with Curtis. And Keith's own feelings would be buried if it made Shiro satisfied.

"I think we could take a room for a bit, if you don't mind."

"Great. I'll have another worker escort you. Lily, I-"

Lily, who's still sitting on Shiro's lap, replicates a yawn in Keith's head. "M'm tired..."

Shiro seems to panic a bit. "Uh-"

"I assume you've read up on her species, Shiro. At Lily's age, Yieuaojnes require about 2 naps a cycle. It's about time for her second one."

"Well-er, I have read up, yes. Could you please take us somewhere where she could rest?"

"...Of course. Lily, it's nap time. From now on, you'll be with Shi-your new daddy."

Lily stumbles off of Shiro, and Keith can't help but coo internally. Children are so cute. She travels over to him and latches on to him tightly before practically climbing him like a tree. He helps her up midway and balances her form on his hip-setting the pad down on a desk and wrapping her in his arms.

"Sorry. I'm her usual caretaker." He says this to Shiro before turning his attention back to the child. "Last hug, o-okay Lily?" Keith flusters a bit. Goodbyes are always hard.

"Kee," her voice is quiet in his head. She sounds despaired. He almost forgets how hard it is for them too.

"Don't worry, Lily. Shiro will take good care of you, I know it." He whispers. "Let's go take your nap, hm? Right this way, Shiro." Keith snaps out of his child-care mode for a minute and leads Shiro through a series of hallways. They don't speak and Keith is fine with that.

After the wedding, Keith had spent years working out in space. _Shiro,_ _before_ the wedding, had been regulating Earth activities. If things were strained during the last few stands of the war, then the bits after had Keith ready to snap. And he was.

Shiro had distanced himself. There was no denying it. And Keith...he just let him. He assumed that the man needed space. He trusted Shiro enough to think that if he needed Keith, then he'd come. But he never did.

 

_It'd been nearly a year and a half after the war. Keith had just returned from a recovery mission with the Blades, rescuing one planet after another. He'd come back to Earth to visit Shiro and Lance. The others were off somewhere else, but he knew he'd always see them on the war's anniversary._

_Shiro hadn't contacted him much when he was away, despite his regular updates to him and Garrison command. Well, Shiro_ was _Garrison command. If Keith was being honest, he missed him. His best friend had been different ever since he'd been brought back from the dead._

_While Keith could argue that returning back to the physical world after a finite time sitting in the consciousness of a sentient robot lion would certainly change someone, Shiro hadn't treated any of the others to the same degree that he did Keith. To Shiro now, Keith was a coworker. His subordinate. Before, they had something. And he'd lost it._

_Before they got back to Earth, Keith thought they were cool. Yes, he did miss him, but Shiro needed space. So he gave it to him. Keith himself needed to recover from what Lance dubbed The Incident, as well. They'd talk when it was needed, he was sure. Things flowed naturally when it came to the two of them. It just did._

_They never talked it out. How Keith got his scar still haunts him, and before he knew it he was thrown into a battle against_ _Lotor, against Sendak's army, the strange Altean in the machine..._

_And then Haggar,_

_they'd lost Allura,_

_and then..._

_He didn't remember what happened in between. Probably nothing._

_Then there was now. He'd come to the conclusion that he'd talk now._

_So here he was...standing in front of the door to Shiro's quarters with his dog, Cosmo, at his side, ready to knock, when it opened. Shiro's face came into view. He was wearing only a plain black tank top, similar to the one he wore on the first anniversary of Allura's sacrifice._

_"Oh, Keith!" Shiro had a soft, almost giddy smile on his face. Keith couldn't help it. He relaxed his shoulders and smiled too. "You're just who I wanted to see."_

_"Really?"_

_"Mhmm-hmm. Come inside! I'll introduce you."_

_Keith's nose wrinkled in confusion, but he followed anyway. Inside the living space was a man he somewhat recognized. Shiro took a spot by him at the counter, and Keith just stood, feeling uncomfortable._

_"Keith, you remember Curtis from the Atlas crew, right?"_

_"Ah, yeah. I remember." He said. "Nice to see you again." He added as an afterthought. His eyes flicked around the room uncomfortably. It was then that he noticed the ring on Shiro's finger._

_Even though he was dressed in multiple layers of an Elder BOM uniform, Keith could feel his blood run cold._

_"Curtis and I are engaged, Keith."_

_Engaged._

_Engaged._

_Engaged._

_Keith curled his hands into fists. He could hear his heart beating in his throat. Cosmo whimpered at his side._

_Somewhere along the way, Keith had lost him._

_After saving him, giving him all that he could offer, after making sure that he was_ alive _and on Earth, Keith had lost Shiro._

_It hurt more than anything he could imagine._

_"I'm happy for you."_

_"Thanks, Keith, this means a lot to me."_

_Keith nodded in response, feeling numb. Of course it does._

_"Of course," he said. "You deserve this." The words tasted like poison on his tongue. But it was true. Shiro did deserve this._

 

_The next time he saw Shiro was at his wedding._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please notify me of any mistakes, inconsistencies, or just general thoughts! thank you!


	4. Chapter 4

By the time they arrive at the room where the new family would be staying, Lily is asleep on his shoulder. Keith presses his hand into the scanner by the door and gently lays the child down on the bed with careful arms. She stirs slightly but stills when Keith pulls a heated blanket over her.

When he turns back around to Shiro, he sees that the man is still standing in the doorway of the room. There's a dangerously soft look on his face, and Keith forces himself not to linger on the expression for too long before he says: "She should wake up in a bit. Feel free to busy yourself with the room's various functions if you'd like. We're glad to have you here, Shiro."

Keith nods his head curtly and hastily tries to step past him to leave the room. It's over, finally, he can _leave_ -

A hand catches his wrist, causing him to tense. He was wrong to think that this could go without a hitch.

Keith manages a forced, close-mouthed smile at Shiro. "Is there anything else you need?"

Shiro still holds that frown on his lips. It's been there for a good while. "Keith. Are you alright?"

Keith raises a brow incredulously. "Yes, Shiro. I'm perfectly _fine._ If you don't need anything, I must go."

" _Keith._ " It's Shiro's tone that strikes something visceral in him. That he hasn't heard that kind of lilt in years. He turns fully to face him and looks him in the eyes. For once, there's something there that he remembers.

"Can we talk? Later?"

He stands there and considers the offer for a moment. He's known for a long time that his love for Shiro would probably never fade. But the question here is: is he willing to keep hurting himself for Shiro's sake?

 

Who is he kidding? He would do anything for his unrequited.

 

Hesitating slightly, Keith accepts. They agree on meeting sometime during the night cycle, when Lily would be fully asleep. She's old enough to know how to contact someone if things went wrong, or if the ship were attacked, but her former caretaker still feels uneasy. It'd be her first night under Shiro's care, and she'd be sleeping alone for some part of it. Because of this, Keith suggests that they talk in an empty room adjacent to where the family would stay.

 

The rest of the day passes by agonizingly slow. Keith files paperwork in his office and even says goodbye to another child, who departs with their new guardians almost immediately. He's quieter than usual today, something that his mother, Krolia, noticed during their weekly video call.

"Keith, is there something troubling you?" The brows on her face scrunch together slightly in maternal concern. She looks as beautiful as ever, with her hair now long and pulled together tightly in a neat braid. Keith has always been too afraid to ask how long typical, non-quintessence hungry Galra lived, but she looks as if she hasn't aged a day. What that means for a half-breed like him, he doesn't know.

He frowns and looks away with a sigh. "Nothing too big..."

Krolia gives him a twin frown that rivals him, waiting for him to elaborate. She's learned to read him over the time they've spent together, so Keith doesn't always have to say anything to convey his thoughts.

"Shiro...he came to adopt Lily today." Krolia's expression flickers for a moment on the screen of Keith's holo-device.

"Oh? The Yieuaojne child?"

"Yes."

"She was a good one."

"Yes. Shiro will take good care of her. I just-he asked me to talk. Later."

"I see. That is troublesome, considering that he has recently rejected his last mate."

"His last..." Keith inhales sharply, "Wait, what happened to Curtis?"

"They, what do humans call it? Dee-vor-ced about a deca-phoeb ago."

At any other time, Krolia's use of human vernacular would be amusing to Keith. His mind scrolls back to Shiro's adoptee information page. " _Lives alone..."_

He doesn't know what to do with this information. A whole year ago? What happened?

Krolia seems to notice his inner turmoil and clears her throat. "I suggest you go and listen to what he wants to say. An alternative might also be your friend, Lance."

"Ugh, not Lance. Okay, thanks, mom. I love you."

"I love you as well, Keith."

The call ends, and Keith heaves another breath. He's sighed a lot today.

 

It's nearly the end of his work shift when his pad dings with a message. He crosses his fingers and hopes it isn't Lance. He'd probably send him a video of himself screeching if he found out that Shiro was anywhere near Keith's galaxy. Unless he was already a part of this.

Surprisingly, the message is from Acxa.

 

-Acxa: _Keith, Shiro should be on his way to your headquarters._

 

Keith stares at the screen. Yeah, _on his way_ was an understatement. He's been settled in with Lily since mid-cycle. He wonders how Acxa knows and considers asking her, but decides against it. He'll figure it out.

 

-Keith: _yes, he's here._

-Acxa: _My apologies. I had hoped to inform you before he arrived._

-Keith: _its fine. how are you and veronica?_

-Acxa: _Well. We have decided to become mates._

-Acxa: [image]

The picture attached shows Acxa looking confused at a ring on her left finger with Veronica holding the camera, grinning widely.

 

-Acxa: _I am not familiar with Earth customs, but we have decided not to have a 'wedding' and instead have a traditional Galran mating ritual. Would you like me to explain?_

 

Keith blanches and quickly fingers the pad, hoping that she won't just jump right in. He already knew enough about this from his time in the Quantum Abyss with Krolia-too detailed flashbacks with her and his father included.

 

-Keith: _That is not necessary._

 

Acxa doesn't respond, and Keith feels relieved. He doesn't want to know _that_ much about her or Veronica.

There's a knock on his door, and he grunts, signaling them to enter. It's one of the other caretakers, ready to take over his shift. They rotate quietly and Keith books it for his quarters. Today's been rough, and it won't even be over until he talks to Shiro again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this is so slow moving,,,exam season is terrifying and this is my only stress relief.
> 
> leave what you think down in the comments! anything you say will be much appreciated <3
> 
> more angst will come soon...like, next chapter soon...


	5. Chapter 5

Keith's quarters are minimal to the point where it's practically spartan. There's his BOM knife-one that's actually his and not his mother's since he's been promoted to an Elder. A door to a fully stocked bathroom is across the one used to enter. His two pairs of civilian clothes sit neatly folded on the top of some drawers. And he hates to admit it, but under his bunk, in the corner of his room, are two little red lion slippers, courtesy of Lance.

The general layout of his room is eerily similar to the one he had back on the Castleship, but he likes it that way. His room is lit with pale lights, soothing and calm. A large bottle of alien intoxicators sit on his nightstand. It's still sealed and unopened. He hasn't needed it in a while. It's time to break his streak. He plops down on his bed and strips the bulk of his uniform off before pouring himself a glass.

He never drank this much before the war. Maybe a bit of celebratory wine or nunvil here and there. But after Shiro married Curtis, it kinda all went downhill. Keith needed somewhere to put his pain. When he left Lance's farm, a majority of his 'recovery' included going on a search for the strongest liquor he could find.

Unsurprisingly, it provides no relief. It doesn't help that the Galra don't get drunk easily in the first place. Still, he relishes in the burn that his human tongue allows. The drink is flavored sweetly, yet flows like acid. He licks his lips and downs the cup. It's going to be a rough night. He still has a few more hours before he's scheduled to meet Shiro again.

Keith doesn't drink in front of the kids, obviously. But he's afraid some of them are too empathetic for their own good. The orphanage-it's as much a help for him as it is for them. At first, the kids would be his outlet during the day, and then the liquor at night. Then slowly, after a few phoebs, the children would win over. He hasn't touched a bottle in years...not until now.

Half of the container is empty before he knows it, and the clock ticks ten doboshes before he has to start making his way down the ship. He's still not drunk either, just mildly buzzed. Either way, he can't see Shiro like this. _Shit,_ he thinks. He's so stupid. He tries to take deep breaths, focusing on sobering up. He can totally shower in ten minutes.

The water is at a perfect temperature when he steps in, thanks to over ten thousand years of Empire-perfected technology. He scrubs quickly, trying to focus his thoughts. Afterward, he put on his civies: a red tank top and black leggings. Then he brushes his teeth-he'd be humiliated if Shiro knew that he'd been drinking.

His datapad beeps with the alarm when he walks out of the bathroom. It's time.

 

The walk to the room feels too fast. Unlike last time, he knows that Shiro's going to be there. He can prepare himself this time, though earlier he prided himself for keeping most of his cool. If he doesn't count tripping over his own feet and falling on right on his ass due to Lily's excitement to meet her new guardian. Yeah.

Before he knows it, he's striding through the door of their meeting place. It looks like any other guest quarter-similar to a hotel room back on Earth. Shiro's sitting, no, fidgeting, on the bed in front of Keith.

"Keith," he breathes, going for a small smile.

The object of his greeting can't help but twitch his lips upwards as well. It's a reflex.

"Hey." Really, _hey?_

Shiro pats the bed, even though there's a loveseat right off to the side. Keith sits on the edge, close but not to close to the other man.

"I, um...uh, how are you doing?"

Shiro's nervous. Why? If anything, Keith should be the one sputtering. He narrows his eyes in suspicion. Maybe he _should've_ talked to Lance. He might know why Shiro wanted to adopt a kid in the first place-especially from Keith's base, which is the furthest one from Earth at the current moment.

"I'm doing fine." More out of politeness than actual curiosity, he adds, "And you?"

"Not so great, actually," Not so great? _Why?_ Keith worries for Lily's sake. "Curtis and I divorced."

"Yeah?" Again. Keith goes for mild surprise and nonchalance. He raises his eyebrows too.

"Yes. It was, well, it was almost a year ago, actually. It was mutual. I couldn't handle staying in one place."

"Is that why you came all the way out here?"

Shiro hums. "Yeah. I heard from Lance that you'd started an orphanage, and I figured: _why not_? You know? I took a ship and went the long way. Then I figured...I figured I was still lonely. I was looking at the kids in your database, and I saw a picture of Lily. I liked her. And she comes from a history of travel."

"Okay."

"Sorry. I thought I should explain myself."

"Okay."

"And...and I wanted to ask again. How are you _really?_ It's been so long since we talked. I almost thought you forgot about me."

Keith flinches, and for a moment his facade escapes his grip. "I could _never_ forget about you."

"Then, why? Why haven't we seen each other outside of Allura's celebration day? You've been a little distant, Keith."

"Distant? Me, _distant?_ " Keith sputters, hot rage suddenly spiking in him. Fuck. Fuck this. Fuck everything. Shiro is acting so strange. "I've been _waiting_ for _you_ , Shiro! Ever since Allura brought you out of the lion, I've been waiting! I've been sitting on my ass, waiting for you to come talk to me. I thought you needed space, but then you go and marry _Curtis,_ and I-"

Keith chokes on a sob. His cheeks are wet. Shit, he'd lost it so quickly. This wasn't supposed to happen. _Fuck,_ now Shiro definitely knows. How disgusting he is. Keith trembles.

He doesn't dare look at the other man's expression and squeezes his eyes shut. He should've never opened up his mouth.

The door slides open with a quiet hiss, but Keith doesn't notice.

"Kee?"

Shit. Lily is awake. Keith sniffles. What an awful person he is.

"Kee? Kee?!" He hears Lily move over to him, and he feels a tug on his clothes. Lily crawls into his lap, and he lets her. "You ok, Kee?"

He resists the urge to cough out a bitter laugh. He has never been more un-okay.

When she figures out that he won't respond, Lily snuggles into his chest. She pulses happy energy towards him telepathically-it startles him. She's never done that before.

"Kee, tired."

"Yeah, Lily." He croaks, voice barely a whisper. She slides off him and takes him out of the room. Bless her.

He sees her pause for a moment and assumes she's speaking to Shiro, who he still hasn't looked at. "Sorry," he says, back still turned. "You should leave in the morning. Lily, stay with your Daddy."

The fire in him has died. He doesn't know how to deal with this, with _Shiro_. Lily doesn't put up a fight, thankfully. He thinks she understands a lot more than she initially let on. Kids and their intuition.

Shiro is devastatingly silent. Keith walks away with blurry vision and shaking hands.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> keiths trying his best,,,
> 
> im not really confident abt this chapter so please tell me what you think! idk what im doing lol
> 
> thank you for reading & happy holidays <3


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> apologies for the delay!

Keith returns to his quarters in a daze. His tears have ceased, but his heart still sobs. His mind is relaying a constant image, a mantra of Shiro-just, Shiro, Shiro, _Shiro._ Keith groans. Why does he have to be in love with such an incompetent being? It's painful. Searing pressure on his chest. He groans, and his face scrunches up in agony. Shiro.

The man collapses on his bed. His hand reaches for the bottle, almost subconsciously, and forgoes the glass. He flicks off the cap and pours the liquid down his throat. In a desperate instant, the bottle is drained. It slips out of his hands, and he doesn't even hear the sound it makes when it hits the ground; there's a roar in his ears, and he's too distracted digging around for another bottle.

He isn't sure how big his supply was, but it's at least a few more bottles until the cupboard of his nightstand is empty. By then, he finally manages to make his stupid half-breed form completely and entirely drunk.

His senses are now blissfully dulled, minus the pounding in his skull. His body is numb and so are his feelings. For a heavenly moment, he can let the intoxication whisk him away into a floaty, dream-like state. Keith can feel his consciousness slipping-eyelids fluttering shut. His fingers still grip the neck of his last bottle. The floor is littered with the rest.

Suddenly he is breathing slow. The floaty feeling becomes constricting and is close to strangling him. Keith gasps for air. Now that he thinks about it, he's never had such a large amount of this particular brand of liquor before...

The label is unreadable when he pulls it up to his blurred view. Shit.

Keith fumbles for his datapad, struggling to press anything-to alert someone-his clammy hands can't get a good grip, and his stomach is doing flips. He gags once, twice, before throwing up.

The flavor of vomit is disgusting as it rises up against his throat. He chokes and makes an awful noise. Fuck.

The man doesn't know what time in the cycle it is. His lips can barely form around a strangled moan, let alone a shout for help. Dimly, Keith thinks he could die here. His vision continues to fade, and he huffs out a shaky breath before the darkness engulfs him.

 

When Keith comes to, he realizes that it's cold. He blearily cracks his eyes open to view the glass-like material of a healing pod. Someone must've found him after he'd passed out. If he had the energy to flush red in shame, he would. Whoever found him must've also seen the bottles upon empty bottles scattered across his floor.

The pod opens with a hiss and a flood of steam-like fog. The man stumbles out, body not yet used to its non-stasis. After all these years, he's still never going to get the hang of stepping out of the machine like a dignified person. Keith falls into someone's arms-probably the medic on duty. He's exhausted, physically from the pod's use of his own energy to heal, and emotionally from the last cycle's interactions.

He makes a sound embarrassingly like a whine, Galra instincts seeping into his unguarded body. It's something that the healers on this ship are already used to, so he has no reason to hide it. Keith reluctantly accepts the warmth of the body he's cradled in, and almost starting to doze before a voice startles him.

"Woah, Keith."

That. That voice definitely does not belong to a medic. _That_ gruff undertone, laced with weariness and caution, it belongs to Shiro. Keith internally curses his luck. He should've left by now, with Lily. A pang of sadness rings through him at the thought. Had Shiro _actually_ left before Keith awoke, the child would never have gotten a proper goodbye.

The man flinches when he hears his name. Keith shoves himself out of Shiro's grasp and steadies himself. His eyes don't meet the others as his gaze traces the interior of the infirmary. They are the only ones occupying the space. Suspicious.

"Shiro," Keith says, hoping it wasn't _him_ that had found him on the brink of alcohol poisoning.

"You know, alcohol is poisonous to Galrans."

He guesses it was him. And, as if Keith doesn't know that. (He doesn't. Fuck.)

"It is to humans as well," is his smart response. He knows that it isn't what Shiro means.

"How long have you been doing this to yourself? I could've-"

Keith stops listening then. _How long?_ Since you walked away, Shiro. Since you married Curtis. Since you started treating me like a casual business associate rather than friends. I crossed the universe for you.

"Shouldn't you be leaving by now?" Keith snaps, interrupting Shiro's blabber. He doesn't know what he's been saying, but it's probably bullshit.

"Lily wants to see you...And we haven't finished talking."

"What's there to talk about, Shiro?" Keith demands. His heart was pried open last cycle. It was open even more than when he said those words, so long ago. _You're my brother. I love you. You're my everything._

"Keith, please. I made a mistake. Last night, I didn't mean everything that I said. I've come here not just for Lily, but for you."

Keith stares at him and shivers. He waits for him to elaborate. All he's ever done is wait for Shiro. He grits his teeth and crosses his arms. His thumb flicks back and forth across his index finger in an attempt to soothe himself.

"The marriage was...it wasn't the right thing to do. I hurt Curtis, and I hurt you." Shiro bites his lip before continuing. "I thought...I thought that after what happened, at the facility-the scar I gave you-I was afraid. I still am."

"What are you trying to say, Shiro?"

"I'm scared. I'm scared of loving you." Shiro shuts his eyes and turns his head away, voice barely above a whisper. Keith chokes. "I thought that if I distanced myself-it'd lessen the pain. I'm scared of how far you'd go for me. How far-you'd hurt yourself, just for me."

"You'd do the same for me."

"Yes. I would. And that's terrifying."

"Shiro, what do you want?"

Shiro hesitates-no, holds himself back. His expression shifts from one of pain to one of resigned determination. "I want to be with _you_ , Keith. You and Lily. I love you. And if you'll have me-"

Keith silences him with a press of lips. Bullshit. This is all bullshit. Years and years of pining, of pain and regret and agony and hesitation, and Shiro loved him back all this time?

His lips taste like strawberries. They're warm and soft and slot against Keith's perfectly. Keith slides his tongue shyly over the closed seal of Shiro's mouth and makes a pleased sound when they part open, allowing him to explore.

They part with twin gasps. Shiro nuzzles his head against Keith. "So is that a yes?"

"Mhm." Keith hums happily, burying himself into Shiro's broad chest. He feels high.

Shiro giggles, actually _giggles,_ and hugs Keith tighter. "I'm sorry for all those years." He whispers it softly, pressing a kiss to Keith's hair. "I'm sorry I hurt you."

"I'm sorry my breath tastes like liquor and vomit," Keith retorts. It doesn't matter to Shiro, probably, but Keith needs to brush his teeth. Shiro sighs and releases his hold. Keith brushes his hand up against Shiro's shyly and is delighted when it's encased in Shiro's grip. They walk to Shiro's quarters with grins on their faces.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter was very difficult to write...so please tell me what u think! anything is appreciated <3


	7. Chapter 7

Lily is waiting for them on Shiro's bed. Her own cot sits across from his, but it rests unused--sheets neatly folded on top of it since last cycle. Keith and Shiro return see her napping cutely on top of two pillows, registering the quiet little telepathic sounds she made as snores.

Keith, still giddy from Shiro's earlier confession, smiles wider at the sight. He pulls a sheet over Lily's form and looks over to the other man. He's slightly surprised at the way Shiro looks at him with that soft expression--like Keith was his universe.

"Like what you see?" he teases. Shiro looks away with a blush.

"Well, yeah."

Keith chuckles lightly, not wanting to interrupt Lily's sleep for a second time. "I can't believe this. We're such idiots."  
Shiro moves closer to him and envelops Keith in yet another hug. "Yeah, but now you can be my idiot."  
Keith nuzzles in closer before realizing something. "So...what does that mean? A-Are we dating now?"

"If you want."

"Boyfriends?"

"I like the sound of that." 

Later, Keith excuses himself to his bathroom so he can change out of his pod suit and freshen up. (And that includes brushing his teeth.)

He steps into his room around mid-cycle, where Cosmo waits for him. The ginormous space-wolf usually loiters around the base, equally cared for by all the Blades and caretakers on board. It's kind of funny that Keith hadn't seen him until now.

The entirety of his liquor collection sits discarded and empty on the floor. Keith fails to resist the urge to turn red with shame. Shiro had seen him in his worst possible state. It was worse than having one of the kids catch a glimpse. He'd have to apologize later. 

He picks up the bottles first, carefully making sure that none of them are cracked or broken. Thankfully, most aliens these days know how rowdy people get, so the material is pretty tough to break. None of the containers even have a scratch.

After everything is off the floor, Keith goes to his datapad. He'd have to return to work at some point or another, despite the embarrassing incident from last night. His tablet is flooded from messages--from his mother and a few other friends--but mostly from Lance.

Keith frowns and opens up the chat-line.

-Lance: _( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)_

-Lance:  _i heard shiro's on ur base, ye?_

-Lance:  _tell him and the kids that i said hi!!_

-Lance:  _keith??????????? r u ok_

-Lance: _pls rspond shiro told me u had alcohol poisoning_

-Lance: _i thought we went over this?? u were supposed to stop_

-Lance: _keith!!!_

He scrolls through messages and replies to the others before responding to Lance. They all revolve around his well-being and Shiro.

-Keith:  _i'm fine, lance. shiro found me._

-Lance:  _and?? what happened?_

-Keith:  _u never told me he divorced_

-Lance:  _rllyyyyyyyyyyy? i totally did at 1 point i swear_

-Lance:  _did u talk to him?_

-Keith: _yeah. we worked things out. and some other things._

He just has to tease Lance a little, okay?

-Lance:  _what does that mean??_

-Lance:  _keith my man what does that mean_

-Lance: _r u guys together now?!?!_

-Keith:  _yeah. we're together._

-Lance:  _OMG congrats! and finally! asdfghjklmaiensakj! brb gotta tell hunk_

Keith shakes his head as he stares at the screen. Lance has been right all along, and now that asshole's gonna spend the rest of his life rubbing it in his face. Being with Shiro is worth it though, Keith guesses.

When he goes back to Shiro's room, Lily is awake and sitting on the older man's lap while he switches through a bunch of alien kids shows on the holo-screen. Immediately, she senses Keith's presence and jumps onto him.

"Kee! Come!" She practically amps her volume up by a thousand and one in his mind, making him frown slightly. Shiro wears an identical expression--not yet entirely used to Lily's form of communication. Quieter, she whispers only to Keith: "Daddy missed you!"

The former red-paladin blushes. That's right. Shiro is now Lily's official father. The documents must've finalized a while ago. Then, what is Keith to Lily?

"Now Kee-papa and Daddy can be together! Right?" She answers his question within the next second. Kids are wonderful.

Keith carries her to rest on Shiro's bed and hesitantly climbs in afterward. "Is this okay?"

"Of course." Shiro seems more than happy to let them all cuddle in his bed. In fact, he even brings an arm around Keith while Lily snuggles in between his legs. He seems perfectly fine with Keith, despite the other man's insecurities starting to pour into his head. He tenses momentarily, and Shiro doesn't fail to notice.

"Are you alright?"

"Yeah. I'm just...thinking."

"Okay. Can I kiss you?"

"Oh. Um, yeah."

It's short and sweet but doesn't lack any of the passion from earlier.

"I love you, Keith." Keith buries his head into the crook of Shiro's neck, mildly embarrassed. Shiro just makes him emotional. "Do you like that?" Keith doesn't respond. "I love you. Across the universe and back." Keith feels a kiss being pressed to his mop of hair. "I _love_ you."

"I LOVE YOU!" Lily practically screeches into their minds. Shiro flinches, but Keith bursts out into a fit of laughter. He's happier than all of the world. Shiro is here, with his kid. He's doing what he loves. He's loved and cared and responds equally in return. What more could he ask for?

"I love you guys, too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope u enjoyed! happy new year everyone!

**Author's Note:**

> Might continue if anyone wants it...  
> Kudos and comments appreciated! Voltron was a wild ride.


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